Close But No Cigar for Venturian Media at the Buy.at Affiliate Football Tournament

As the sun rose over a quiet corner of East London, honest campaigners from across the country were applying dubbin and saying their prayers before embarking on the annual holy pilgrimage to the hallowed turf of the Buy.at Affiliate Football Tournament.

Differing body shapes, fitness levels and footballing skills were banded together in the name of office brotherhood, with 14 teams vying for the crown which Venturian Media comfortably won in 2007. Unfortunately for us this season’s tournament saw teams enter who looked like they could actually play football, as opposed to just looking like one on legs so we knew it would be an altogether tougher proposition to retain the title!

The sun washed over the field of battle, with teams forced to call on every last ounce of gladiatorial courage and skill necessary to triumph in the heat of the unflinching conflict to unfold. The crowd were soon baying for blood and search engine optimization (not necessarily in that order) after being whipped into a heaving mass of Magners and breathless enthusiasm by the pom-pom wielding cheerleaders.

After the captains were thoroughly pumped in the debriefing room, teams were allocated their tiny arenas of torture, where for the next 3 hours they would try and outwit, nutmeg and smash each other into submission via the wooden hoardings and well placed elbows. Current champions Venturian Media struggled through the “Group of Death” after winning two matches comfortably, whilst also losing two matches uncomfortably! Last years finalists Buy.at also looked in good nick with the tournaments largest squad, whilst The Telegraph appeared to have a team of actual footballers as apposed to affiliates. Not looking quite so good were the bright orange budget price shirted CKNet, led by Rob ‘rugby tackle’ Beresford.

The draw for the quarters saw last years finalist Buy.at and Venturian Media thrown together again, a mouth watering prospect for the expectant crowd. Last years final turned into quite a tasty affair, but with Browny now plying his trade at Brilliant Mediaand Venturian Media’s Hulk Hogan now starring in his own MTV series, the fireworks that were expected were never properly lit.

With stakes high the atmosphere was cranked up a notch by the baying mob on the sidelines, who not only shook their pom-pom’s with fury, but also spewed vicious anti Venturian Media songs (something along the lines of “you’re not very good, cha cha cha”). Luckily for the local constabulary, Venturian Media went about their business with the utmost professionalism and ran out 3-0 winners to subdue the possible riot waiting to happen. This defeat was also seen as a great moral victory for Buy.at, who lost last years tight knit meeting of the teams 6-0.

The semi finals saw 3 teams from the ‘group of death’ qualify; meaning Venturian Media had to face comfortable group victors AOL again. This passionate affair was all about grit and determination, with both teams going for the jugular from the first to last whistle. Challenges were flying in, though all fair and above board, and both keepers had plenty of work to do. In the end, Venturian Media veteran tea maker and footballing stalwart Ali McDermott stepped out of defence to roll back the years with 2 classic strikes, putting AOL to the sword and setting up a final with the impressive team from the Telegraph.

A very dishevelled looking Venturian Media team limped onto the field with defence in mind against a surprisingly fresh looking Telegraph team. This plan was ended abruptly after the referee awarded a dubious twice taken free kick to allow the Telegraph to take the lead. This led to a war of words with the official, ending with goalkeeper and office dogsbody Stuart McDermott being sent from the field of play. Silly scenes from the youngster - maybe he should have waited til we got knocked out before he started drinking?!

The 4 man Venturian Media defensive “Wall” crumbled like its Berlin counterpart, with the Telegraph adding 3 more goals in a game as one sided as last years final. Thankfully the bar was fully stocked and ready to rock to ease everyone’s aches and sprains into the evening’s festivities. These included the heavy consumption of blue drinks, people handing in their notice and then retracting it, and the obligatory hiding of food in people’s shoes.

Full marks once again to Laura and the team ar Buy.at for arranging such a well organised football tournament, and thanks to Christian and Ben from DGM for helping to get us to the final and also for filling in for the ridiculously unfit Neil!

Venturian Media Buy.at Football Title Hopes Hit

The eagerly awaited buy.at football tournament kicks off in London town on Friday with current holders Venturian Media’s players dropping like flies! Last seasons goalkeeper and the tournaments oldest player is missing due to work commitments and key midfielder Stuart “Mad Dog” McDermott got injured in a 7 a’side encounter on Monday which will rule him out for up to 4 weeks (although he reliably tells me his drinking arm will still be fully operational!).

Last years tournament was well organised, a great laugh and importantly the football was played in (mostly!) good spirit and we are looking forward to meeting a few old friends. Check out some of the action below taken from Fraser’s excellent affiliate blog.

A brief run down on the lads that have managed to make up this years team :

Neil “Nasal” McDermott
Will be looking to build on last years performance as injured goal hanger extraordinaire (although hopefully without the injury). He is a Director at VM and head of all web builds and UK relationship management.

Alister “Slinky” McDermott
Upset he didn’t win player of the tournament, this self professed arrogant sod “starred” in Brits Behind Bars  (well for the 15 minutes he could take in prison) with current Big Brother loser Mario. A cultured defender and big unit to boot, he is head copywriter based out of our UK office.

Chris “Pinchy” Pinches
Rumours that Chris was hired purely on his footballing abilities have so far proved unfounded. This beast of a man never stops running and will be praying it doesn’t go to penalties with his record! A top graphic designer who is involved heavily in the branding of our websites.

Ben “Sloppy” Cockburn
DGM’s very own head of something technical, Ben was a late call up to the squad but he will be keen to get one over on the DGM heavy CK Net team. We’ve been reliably informed (by himself) that he is fit and can play in a number of positions which will prove very useful as the tournament progresses.

Murray Gascoyne
Another late call up due to the injury to Mad Dog, he is in mainly for his willingness to drive to London and his ability to hold the midfield, and his own in the bar.

Special Guest
Venturian Media have booked a special star guest who (surprisingly for someone in affiliate marketing) used to work for DGM. With his hectic social life, whether he turns up or not is a different matter!